On Ice

For the past five years, I have been living in depression, remorseful and struggling to stay alive, in this world. A few friends told me to stay positive and things will be fine. Every time, when I feel that things have been going smoothly for me, unexpected thing will happen and 100% of it are all negative issues. How many times I have to fall and pick myself up after going through depression, sorrow, frustration and cursing for the past five years.

Happiness seems so distant to me. Even short term of happiness makes me afraid that it was a dream along but it is. All this time, I have been standing on a piece of ice.

A call from hospital came a few days ago. Finally, the ice that I have been walking on, gave way and I have fallen. Again.

I have heard people complaining money not enough for buying clothes, no money for travelling but for me, I have no money to stay alive, no money for lunch, no money to pay for hospital bills. Every thing that I have owned now, I have to save for months or years to get it. The money that I earned is not mine, is for my family, trying to stay alive, to make ends meet every month.

Now, I have to budget my expenses to the extent that I can only have breads for meals every day. Anyway, to eat is just to stay alive, doesn't matter what kind of food is it.

Living is so difficult, especially illness and poverty follow.