Humiliation
~flash back~
Location : office
After the interviewer left, PL was discussing the potential ones with her boss.
PL:” This person is not a PR yet, he needs to work in SG for 3 years before he can apply for PR. “
Boss, “ yes…oh, this reminds me, M was not a PR when she joined us, she was still studying. It was only when she finished her studies, then she applied for PR”.
PL suddenly realized something. “So M was fetching $XXX when she just entered the office??” (For foreigners to work in SG, those holding “professional” certificates, there is a min amount that the employer needs to give them)
Boss looked awkward and said, “Well, she was a holding a degree”.
PL was in shock. She joined the office one year ago and she was the only staff back then. The office was just branching out. She found it unbelievable that she was holding a salary, lower than M when she was more experienced than her. Although M was a degree holder but she had no experience in the office’s scope of work and the lock pad to PL’s old memories was opened. M had once turned the tables against her, together with the new colleagues and was back stabbing PL.
PL:” But you said you don’t care about her qualification, you only judge her by working experience and knowledge of the work scope!!!!!”
Boss looked nervous and burst out, “But I need to respect her as a degree-holder!!!”
This sentenced pierced PL like a sharp knife and at that instant, she felt insulted so she turned back to her desk and continued with her work.
PL was trying to balance the news that she just heard but she couldn't keep calm as memories of M betraying her and isolated her during the office trip at Perth.
Then, Boss’s wife came in and asked PL if she wanted to have dinner with them. PL rejected, she didn’t even feel like staying at that place for even one minute.
Boss’s wife persuaded her again but, knowing her own temper, PL chose to keep quiet but shake her head and resumed back to her work, praying hard that Boss’s wife would leave her alone. And she did, together with the Boss.
PL decided to end her day at office so she started to pack up. She needed some time to cool down and get over the shocking news. She tried to act casually as she left the office, knowing that the Bosses would be having their dinner in the pantry, which was along the corridor leading to the main entrance.
At the pantry,
PL:” I am going off now, bye…” And she hurried past the couple.
Boss:” Wait, wait, I need to talk to you. “
PL knew what the Boss and Boss’s wife wanted to talk to her but she just didn’t want to listen to anything at that moment, she just wanted to go off as soon as possible.
“I don’t want to talk about it. “ PL replied, with her back, facing the Bosses and escaped into the washroom which was located just right next to the entrance. But, she made the wrong move. She could hear footsteps outside and knew that there was someone outside, waiting for her. She tried to avoid that by asking a friend for help. She sms-ed this friend to call her, so as to diverse attention.
She opened the door and found Boss’s wife standing at the entrance, her hand reaching out, blocking her way.
PL. “I want to go home now”.
Boss’s wife:” I want to talk to you now. “
PL struggled, “I am tired, I want to go home now, and can we talk tomorrow?”
Boss’s wife, “But I want to talk to you now, you just listen, no need to say anything.”
PL paused and said into her phone, “Hey, sorry, can I call you back later?” Her friend agreed, sounded worried.
Boss’s wife began, “I am very disappointed in you, who told you that M was fetching a higher salary than you, you rather believe other than us, you have been with us for 4-5 years and you are also our first priority, I will never get someone who has a higher salary than you, to let you supervise. I tell you, M was holding a salary lower than you when she first joined us. I only increased her salary after she worked with us for one year by $100 bucks.
If you have anything not clear or happy, you can voice out, we are very open about it, don’t just throw a temper when you are not happy about something.”
Boss interrupted from his seat, which was about 4-5 meters away from the main entrance, “You are not a kid anymore. “
Boss’s wife was still speaking, “ Sometimes, you have been so rude to XXX (boss’s name), talking loudly, like just now…”
PL was staring into the space and was silent all this while. Upon hearing that, she turned and said in a loud voice, “If you think I was rude to you just now, I apologized.”
Boss, “That’s the right attitude”.
PL added on, “Can I go home now?”
Boss, “See, you are throwing a temper now. “
Boss’s wife interrupted, “Crying, yelling and shouting loudly will not make you a winner…”
At that moment, PL felt like an injured animal, trapped with two hunters, pointing the rifles at her and kept firing. PL has a tendency to cry easily when she is emotionally involved with different type of feelings, be it anger or sad. But this time, she felt humiliated.
Boss’s wife finished her last sentence and walked back to where Boss was seating.
PL turned and spoke, “Can I go home now?”
Boss did the hand gesture of “please” and PL left.
Tears of humiliation began flowing down like raindrops. She felt so helpless and innocent. All she wanted was to go home and calm down but the ruthless hunters were slamming her with bullets, relentlessly. Of all the emotions she felt earlier, she felt so useless on her way home because she was crying uncontrollably till now.
1 comment:
Dear PL ,
I was worried when u asked me about helping u to look up for a position, somehow feel something must be wrong. I was right after reading this blog.
People always say knowing it all, doesn’t mean you will be happy, and sometime is best not to know. I believed that.
I know PL now must be stressed and feel the unfairness, I couldn’t help much or find a way to console cause I been to that stage too.
But what I tried to say is, sometime comparison are the most powerful thing to destroy the faith you once had, and the happiness of the simplest thing which you once believed in.
And to know the truth of what isn’t you wish to know, sometime really hurts a lot.
I been with the surrounding of the cruel truth and seem the comparison that bring in the pain and sometime to destroy a person, so I know I will always be haunted with the truth of the cruel world and never be contended with the simplest happiness.
Dear PL , what I tried to say is , to let go with the cup before the hot tea are overfilled and hurt yourself , we can’t change the fact or sometime what people want to give or to reward back of what you done for them.
I once read a book recommended by my mum :
There was a woman had a friend name A; A told this woman that she needs a loan of $5000.00 in order to see doctor, this woman loan to her friend and this woman expected that her friend will return back to her and this friend told her is the truth, of cause this friend didn’t, she gamble all the money, and ran away. This woman couldn’t take it, she cursed and cursed and went crazy in the end.
The end of story the book said in the simple way of what the moral of the story , we cannot predicated what other people think , non we can” expected” that the thing will happen to the way we wish to be. Not letting go the facts, what end up hurting is not others, but your own self. People will still lived on, even you wish that person died, the fact is they wont, only you will be hunted forever if you don’t let go.
Dear PL , don’t give up or get sad , sometime things don’t fall to the way we want , we can always go look for other ways , maybe give yer a break or something , don’t have to be expensive , maybe a tour to Malaysia , go for a tour break , you find there is a lot of thing outside the 4 walls of your office .
Me be around if you need to , I be free on april , so if you need a friend to speak with , just feel free to look for me , or a holiday mate , hahaha… I so hoped to get a holiday treat too.
Anyway , don’t feel sad , cheer up . k ? be there for you anytime you need to.
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