What's goes around comes around

I will pay off my debts for this life, pathetic life, spent more than half of my lifespan, slogging like a slave, a maid, paying off the debts that I owned in my previous life!! The problem is I still have to continue to pay till the day I die, not on my bed but at the bed in the hospital, with needles and oxygen mask, suffocating and a slow death!!! That's what I have seen from now for my future!!

Hopefully, I will pay back everything I owned in my current life and I hope I will be better in the next life, free of debts!!!!

Grumble...grumble

DO YOU THINK I CARE??!! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN SHIT!!!!

WHEN IS THE WORLD END COMING?

Mumble Mumble

My bro is an asshole!! He always uses his own scale to measure me!! Just because I didn't play my Kingdom Hearts PS2 game doesn't mean he can dismember the PS2 that we both shared the cost and put it in his room as a white elephant!!!

Since he already had his PS3 (without giving me the $$ for this month home allowance as promised), why can't he just bring the PS2 out and leave it here, for me to play, at anytime I like!!! It doesn't matter right, in the living room, waiting for me to touch it or become a white elephant in his room!!

I hate people who judges me with their own ruler!!

Secondly, I heard he is getting engaged this nov and since their new flat unit is under construction, they will be staying with us!! Hello??!! Shouldn't he discuss with us first and we are not the first one to know and I think we will be the last ones to know.

Thirdly, he is a super super super asshole!!! He bought a new TV and put it in his room so that he can play his PS3 game!! Fine, I have no problem with it but who is paying for all this electricity bills, is ME!! ME!! I am paying for everything in the house yet I am treated like a "3rd class citizen" once again!!

Asshole!!!

Mumble...mumble

Why I had to rush through the days just to come out with the draft drawings while you just re-drew everything after that just because you were at home with ample time!!!!

Then don't bother to ask me to draw again!! People just like to take whatever other people had done through hard works and add on or copy to become theirs!!! Tsk!Tsk!

Just a bad lousy moment at work!!! Mumble Mumble...

Gone are those days when we were young & free

With the screening of Titanic 3D this year, it brought back the memories of 15 years ago when the movie was first shown and we were very young back then.

Remember the white blouse and the blue long skirt, finished with a pair of white school shoes, we were so excited about the show and engrossed with the tragic ending. In addition, the main part was we were mesmerized by the Leonardo DiCaprio who was so much younger back then.

Even now, I can still remember the sniffing sounds I heard when we were in the cinema, watching the show.

The ironical part is that we are still touched by the movie but no longer we were together. Everyone is living with their own life, taking their life to a new level as we race against the forever unstoppable time.

I didn't want to watch the Titanic 3D because although the story is still heart wreaking and sad but long gone that feeling back then.
The most important part is that at the time, that moment, it was one of the happiest moment in my life but gone are those days when we were young and free....

Is Time to let go

Sorry, I have to let you go.

I have been carrying this burden with me for 10 years and it will continue till the day you are gone.

I thought I can continue to carry this burden till the day you leave this world in peace but I really cannot take it anymore!

I know I am not filial child by letting you go but I have another burden with me and same as you, it is getting heavier with every step that I venture forward.

I feel physically, emotionally and psychologically drained; I have already lost all the hopes I have for myself in the future, in fact, I see no future lies ahead of me.

The only thing that kept me moving is to carry these two burdens till the day has come and I will be gone too.

I thought I can bear it but I cannot now.

I thought I can carry it but I cannot now.

I thought I can wait for that day but I cannot now.

Because I am just one step away from breaking apart.

I am sorry, I have to let you go.

Forgive I will not ask but I will join you soon.

Pick up

For the past few days, I am getting better physically and emotionally. I was sick for the past few weeks, a bad cough that lasted for two weeks; mentally, I managed to pick myself up slowly, pace by pace and a good friend of mine had been with me through the hard time.

Finally! I had signed up for a new course, a course that I have been wanting to do since school days; class starting in another week, I am looking forward to it and I had bought new note book, stationary for the course!!

Now, I am so looking forward to the year 2012, filled with hopes and dreams!! Two trips for 2012 have been confirmed, something to look forward to and keep myself moving forward.

Losing it

I think I am losing it, my insanity!! I have been so frustrated by even the tiny slightest thing that happened around me!! I have to try so hard to keep myself from losing it!!

This tremendous amount of stress and tension slowly building up in me, it is killing me every minute of my time!!

I really need to get out of my current life!!! I know it but I am trapped, in a web spanned by blood, kinship, morals, ethics!!!

Seriously, I don't know how long I can tolerate and contain myself from bursting off.

Unfair

I know this world is unfair!!! I know no matters how miserable I am, cursing and swearing about my destined life, I cannot change things already happened and fated. I cannot change my family background, my parents but this is really unfair!!!

I tried to seek help but no one is helping, everyone goes by the set of rules set by the upper hand people (people with two mouths) but is not fair.

Both parents need to feed one child at first but that poor child has to feed two people in the end, struggling to survive, seeking help from all organisations but the upper hand people only help those super poor family earning below 1k!!! Then what about those middle class people?? Are we not humans?

Then I am not going to care anymore!!!!

Moody

Recently, going to work has been a dreadful thing for me and I just can't figure what is wrong. Is it because of the working surrounding or the office staffs or the projects, I think all play a part.

I am not sure if this is the transition period but I just feel dreadful. Maybe, I am just sick of my incapable staff who was given more than six month probation period and didn't even try to show any improvement or the same type of projects that we kept getting or the salary I am fetching now cannot cater for my own and family expenses.

All these are making me restless.....haiz...

Just had it

Sometimes, life is VERY unfair, not just unfair but "VERY"!!!
People that you though are your close friends pay more attention to someone, whom they used to think less of it.
When you treat someone as your good friend, she puts you at the bottom of the food chain. (yup, still influenced under the magic of the lion king musical that I watched last night)
Some people just had it all good things come along their way although they are not the best people / friends that you can ever find.
Although I know, you cannot never expect people to give you back the same amount of what you have given to them but it upset me sometimes. In fact, I have been quite upset for the past few weeks, just trying to try to stay alive is so hard, especially I can no longer see any hopes towards my future.

Life is tough, to be alive is tougher, to stay alive is more tougher and to try to stay alive is the toughest!!!

Disappointment

Disappointment...I am totally disappointed with someone whom I thought of as a friend, not really close friend but at least we used to get along till she graduated from a private university and fetched a highly paid job.

When I needed her to pass me the product that she helped me to buy, (I paid her back straight away) weeks ago, she didn't reply my sms to ask if she could meet me up, nothing. I sms-ed her more than one time, but no reply.

However, she was quite active in her blog, constant updates of her daily amuses in the office or her oversea trips.

After a few months, she sms-ed me if I wanted to get more products, I replied no need, I just bought a new one after I received no reply from her all these time.

Again, she chose to be an ostrich, buried her head in the ground, didn't reply me and after a few days, she sms-ed if she could buy the product from me.

At that moment, I gave up. I gave up anything related to her, I will not reply her from this day onwards, I want nothing related to her, so I will remove her contacts from whatever network that we used to share.

Begin and End

最初是一个人, 最后也是一个人.

Updates

Blackie is kicking again, after numberous help calls and changed of parts!!! \(>o<)/

Blackie is well again while I am in isolation now. Will it lead to depression ultimately??!!

Hard to find, difficult to stay & easy to go

Today, heard from my bro's ex-girlfriend that they broke up officially after six years together. They had been through a lot, from sickness, objection (from the girl's family) etc yet they cannot make it through for the rest of their lives. Suddenly, I am feeling very sad now. I like my bro's current ex-girlfriend alot, she is the best, out of all his past relationship!! To me, it is super hard (harder than end of the world tomorrow) to find someone I like and he likes me back so I always find it a pity that the final destination of a relationship is to go separate way. Word of the day: Sad~~T_T

Relazzzz...

Recently, Blackie has been giving me hell lots of problem!!! It is driving me crazy with its unstable functionality. Haiz...let's brush this aside, have to deal with it tonight again!! I have been doing something really sweet to myself, to immerse in doing jigsaw puzzles!! Ta~da!! Below were the two completed ones, in fact, I have already completed 4 out of 5 that I bought previously. I intend to start on the last one which is 1000 pieces when I am back from Taipei!!!

How's the image, by the way?? I took it with my new samsung camera. Yes!! Finally!! I bought a new camera below $400, my budget and I am gonna bring it with me to Taiwan!!! I am so looking forward to it now, although itinerary is not out yet...haha...Juan is abit relazz on this but I am fine with it. Just have fun and enjoy~~~

Oh, I am done with runny nose again, it have been going on for weeks, should I get a jab before I leave for my trip?? Does it helps??

Word of the day:hopeful

Ignite

A few days ago, I finally made my way to the Jigsaw puzzle shop at Plaza Singapura after work.

That shop had alot of jigsaw puzzles...(=.=III isn't that obvious??) and most of them were disney theme and they were so adorable and sweet. I wanted to get 3 of different pieces sizes, which already cost me around S$100 plus. I really put my foot down this time, regardless of the $$!! Although I planned to get one before I made my way there...^^

Then the sale lady asked me if I wanted to be their member and to entitle for that, I needed to spend more than S$200 and guess what, I went back to select a few more!!!

It had been a long time since I felt that sense of satisfaction and happiness, when I left the shop with my bags full of jigsaw puzzles!!! My passion for doing jigsaw puzzles had ignited once again and I am doing one now, every night!!!

Word of the day: hopeful~~I am hopeful that all bad things that happened around the world will be resolved or be alright. There will always be a good turn for all bad things!!

That's it

That's it!! There is a limit to my patience!!! Endless reminders that I wanted works done to be checked before passing it to me for checking!!!! Endless time I had mentioned and stressed!! This is rude but I have to mention that I am facing idiots everyday at work!!!! Why can't they think first, logically before asking??!!! Why??!!!!

Word of the day: Idiots~I am facing idiots every minute of the day...!!!! *Enraged*

Bad start

Today is Monday, first day of work for this week but it started off, with reprimanding. I just hate it, when I had to raise my voice early in the morning, especially Monday blues. Last Friday, finally, I bought a new DVD player, to replace the old one which had been at my house for 8 years!!!! Recently, it started to give way, unable to read any disc that I inserted in. Hahaha, at last, I am able to watch movies on my 34inch flat screen full-HD Sony TV!! I just enjoy big screens!!! \(^O^)/ That's why I hate iPhone or ipad, so small!!! I also met up with an old friend last Friday and it really surprised me that I had a much better time with her than the last time I met up with her and that made me very happy. =D Haiz, now for some sad news, Blackie is still the one, I didn't dare to turn it on last weekend, just leave it there... Last but not least, pray for Japan to recover from that disastrous earthquake that caused such humongous damages and the outburst of the radioactive from the damaged nuclear plants. Hope everything and everyone will be fine and overcome this crisis. Word of the day: Blues~~~Monday Blues~~Blue skis

Back to zero

Haiz...Blackie is still in critical condition. Now, the last resort, to restore the whole system but the most important thing is that I HAVEN'T BACKUP MY FILES YET!!!!! All my precious!!! haiz...

My most concern is whether can I backup my files without the system freezes off...the worst, I have to restore without backing up.

This week I am really feeling numbed, luckily I have my drama to watch, at least it can keep me in happy spirit, oh, is a comedy drama. I like to laugh, it really helps to loosen the tension and stress that had accumulated everyday at work. Ha, ha, ha....


Word of the day: Laugh~Just laugh off everytime when unhappy thing happens.